pig. August 17, 2008

im sitting here on my soiled matress, uncovered and muddy lying on the floor. ate tuna, and drank lots of water. nothing else to do, but think about mundane facts of my existence and how i always will remain wishing for more. the windows are all broken, and the cheap blinds rattle in the wind. the ducts carrying cool air are rustling, and their screws have come off. the room smells of boxes and old paper, and i can see a patch of brown in all of my vicinity. the fridge has stale vegetables and rotting chicken. small drops of frozen blood from the uncooked steak paint its interior. the carpets need cleaning. it has a stain for every story that was made here. but i’m fine. i like these smells and the pungent odors, and i have a feeling i’m going to miss all the shit i’ve loved eating all this while. see you second home. can’t wait to get started with my third. grunt. oink.

Universal Soul June 30, 2008

This existence is like a glass of liquid with millions of undissolvable particles floating around in it. This state of the solution is the instant of existence that we classify as ‘living’ or ‘life’, agitated, lacking direction, something that seems to be completely driven by randomness. Eventually, the particles settle, and collect at the bottom of the glass, and join to form a single mass of matter there. This is the after-life, all of our souls unite to form this single universal soul, it knows all, it knows what you ate for breakfast today, what I ate for lunch, who you’ve loved, whom i’ve hated, your bad and good, my bad and good, it knows all. You, I and all of the ‘living’ creatures become this soul when each of our earthly existence comes to an end. After we become the soul, we realize everything, as we will know everything that has ever happened. If A stole something from B, the universal soul will have the memory of both A and B, it will remember what it feels to have something stolen from, it would know what it feels like to live with the guilt of stealing. It will exist in pain because of all this knowledge, but everything balances out, and so it remains motionless, stiking down at the bottom of the glass.

ribbons around plastic blocks June 29, 2008

you are a child,

you know nothing,

your subconscious mind takes you to worlds

not of this earth

not of this organization

but you are growing

and you cant stop it

although you currently don’t want to

you want the cells to multiply

your brothers have taunted you

and your sisters have pinched you

because they are bigger and dumber

you are vaguely confused

you are fuzzy

you are growing and you’re beginning to like it more and more

you are now connected to this earth

and have lost all your connections with the other, better known worlds to you

but you don’t care anymore

because you are amazing at forgetting things

but you have not forgotten one thing – the tower

you have been building this one tower with thousands of blocks of plastic

building it by placing one block over another

one block every day

hundreds of blocks a year

you have lost count now

but you are doing it as they told you

placing blocks and tying ribbons around them

the tower is so tall

you can no longer reach the top

now is the time to destroy the tower and build a toy for yourself with the pointy pieces of plastic.

but you have been converted by plants and leaves and chlorophyll

you have no other urge but to continue building this tower

its cracking

you can see it

the blocks at its base which you placed when you were enjoying colors

is now cracking

hear it

its rattling and gravity always hated you

but you are still tying ribbons – colored white and brown

you are also using plastic tapes now

but strangely, you still don’t know why you are building this

its not the greatest thing ever

everyone has their own,

why do you think anyone’s going to look at yours?

t-rex March 3, 2008

puffy tuesday February 26, 2008

it’s a great day, its sunny, bright.. not too hot, kinda warm.. kinda cold. But i feel..  a little like this

chase me biaatch! February 25, 2008

for all who don’t wanna read this, watch this it’s got nothing to do with this, but its an impressive alternative to this monotonous rambling.  

now back to my story: well, it’s odd that no matter how hard i try to get back in shape, something always tries to bite me in the back. The last time i went to work out, i went to a million dollar recreation center, and i almost died. literally. (like this) i thought i saw satan in his black suit, seated in his stretch limo with horny girls all around him and a fine bottle of some expensive champagne. anyways. that was the highlight of my attempt one.the second attempt, happened today: after a few hours of constantly reading articles on warm up stretches and jogging tips (well, i read at least four articles, from funny ones to scary ones), i packed my ass off the computer chair and hit the streets. yes, this time i chose the moon-lit misty streets for a small jog. all went extremely well.. umm.. for the first few minutes. i got into my brand new shoes that still smell of the factory they were made, and locked my apartment and set out. the first 100 yards or so were great. i felt the cool wind in my hair, and those 5$ wal-mart shorts felt super. but after a while i heard small footsteps behind me. i simply ignored them for a bit. it kept getting louder, and now i could hear a faint pant mixed with those skipy steps. it was dark and i was not prepared for encounters with aliens today.. i was about to crap my pants. but i was brave. i smartly looked at the shadow the creature behind me cast on the road, and.. holy crap! a dog was chasing me! “what the hell is thaaat!?”, yep! it was a dog. after all these years of calling myself as creative as a dog poop, i was now being chased by the real member of the “utter dogshit” clan. I knew this would happen someday, but not this soon. i had just read this article and it was now happening to me! I could see pictures in my head – myself sitting beside a sadistic doctor impatiently waiting to shoot 5 needles right down my belly in the name of rabies vaccine. crap! satan in part one was way better. but then, there was this one chinese girl to my rescue. “Choco” she yelled. “Choco, no Choco”. That’s when i realized that i had a fine story for my blog. I cut the jog short and head back to my macbook. hmm.. now here i am, lazing on the computer chair with million-calorie-chocolate-cakesters. i’m doomed. RIP.ps: for curious people — that dog looks like this.

A Colorful Melody November 22, 2007

The door’s closed, and the lights are dim, just like how I asked for. The music so fine, ringing in my ears. The chords, and the string solos all make so much sense now. The day has just begun for me, and I am already overwhelmed with the huge list of things I have planned to do today, not because I have to, but simply because I want to. It’s hard to tell if I am really here. In this place where everything feels good, and everything looks colorful and cheerful. The golden grass around my feet shine, to reflect the vividly colored sky. I can see a few glowing butterflies swarming around me. They mistake me for a beautiful flower. Things turn to gold at my wish. I feel like King Maidas. Have I been transformed into a magical soul?

There’s a cool breeze blowing in from the west. It brings along with it the heavy blue clouds and the smells, flavors of food and fine women from afar. The piece of cloth on my body flies in the wind. I am in pure bliss. My feet are well above land. And I feel the cold air even beneath my feet. It’s not love, not hate, just the way things seem now. Fine as a masterpiece He paints. It’s becoming me. And I am a part of this now…

negative hunger September 29, 2007

the black boxes have been playing the same frequency all day
a goat has been sitting here with complicated books and calculators
occasionally paying attention to what the jockey has been murmuring
the ‘others’ in the farm are busy as usual
they fly in simulated worlds and talk about numeric connectivity

brown rust deposited on the stove is hissing as it cools
water dripping from the silver tap forms a certain 9/8 rhythm
there’s music is in the air. it’s deafening

the fourth guinea pig is being mutilated in an asylum of white rats
his monotonic topics of discussions have been well explored
leaving him with his tongue twisted, and rendered useless
the surrounding is so pale, and it shall remain so for a while
he knows this, but doesn’t change it
not because he can’t, just because it’s already late
too late, like always, even this time, simply too late

his journey so looks like a rainbow to all who visit this farm
but for the creature, it has been just as tasteless as his breakfast
the techniques of heating and mixing is unknown to him
the plate is left empty, cause the others have already had remains of the previous produce

the lazy grasshopper is singing with its noisy voice as usual
the wise ant is moving sugar cubes from place to place pointlessly as usual
this is the new world? or just another faulty remake of the old black n’ white reel
with the same flaws and the same plots
a story that’s predictable, and characters made from striped socks and fingers
the show will go on, as promised. stay and watch as everything melts
one by one. please watch.

Victory to defeat August 31, 2007

I admired your mighty arms that grew out to bear the weight of a thousand leaves. Your powerful stance, and your glorious form, and your ability to withstand the forces of high speed winds and violent storms. I wanted to conquer you. I wanted to be on top of your cumbersome branches and see the world from your perspective. And so, I gathered courage, and prepared myself for the vertical trek. I kept reminding myself that I am human and thereby above all other creatures of God. “I must be able to defeat you, for I am the only one who can,” I told myself and set foot on your giant root. You read my mind and smiled at my innocence, as if you knew that I was little and that the laws of physics were not a part of my thoughts. I grabbed a tiny axe and drove it into your trunk and pulled myself up, repeatedly, until I got better and closer to my victory stop, but you stood there tall with your branches so motionless and your leaves so silent. Oh! How bad it must have felt while I jabbed that tiny axe into your skin, even then you were so patient and did nothing at all. Instead you warned me of your slippery surface with your voiceless speech, but there I was, as stubborn as one can be, I ignored all of it and continued to celebrate my victory, swinging over your branches and scratching my name on your bark. It was meant to happen, and so it happened – I lost control, and I then fell. You tried to embrace me, and catch me in your green bed, but I deserved to fall. Fall hard, and pay for my greedy conquest. It wasn’t your fault, and I shall never blame you. It was just me and my mindless thought, which you helped me refine. And now, when I look back upon the scars that I have left on you, I think – “You are everything that I am not, and you’re the divine force. Defeating you is impossible, for had it not been for you, I’d never know what true victory was.”

diamonds in my eyes! August 23, 2007

WOW! i just can’t seem to get past that word! wow! ahem. well, almost two weeks in paradise now, and still the surprises and gifts keep pouring in from all directions. let’s see. lemme jus check my list again..

job – check
get a cute chineese girl’s number – check
pay all debts – check
have great food – check
get in bed with a red head – hmmm…

well, looks like my dream’s coming true. all this while. but the worst part is, the more closer you get to fulfilling your dreams, your dreams keep getting bigger and bigger. it’s like that atomic subdivision or something, where things get done only to half of what remains.. or some crap like that. and that would mean things would never get done completely. right? god… wow! there i go again!