Spend $100 and make yourself look rich! March 9, 2008
- give it to me – by paypal if you are net savvy.
- punch holes in your t-shirt armpits and patch it with the bill
- 2 holds good for socks too, if you plan to walk shoe-less
- make pin-hole eye-glasses with the bill
- ask a retard to smear paint on it, then u have a 100$ worth painting for the restroom door
- chop the bill and toss it on the salad when friends come over for dinner
- shove it in half way through in your garden to make a money plant
- cut it in thin strips and curl them to make money eye lashes for your girlfriend
- drop it in an un-flushed public toilet and see who falls for the bait (this should be fun)
- stick it in your ears and say “hey! i have money coming outta my ears!!!”
Salt – food or not? February 2, 2008
Well? What do you think? Is salt food? Hmm.. I guess it depends on what’s your definition of food. For me, food is something that you can have a plate full in one go, with a bit of water, or some liquid, like alcohol, or maybe milk, vanilla flavored coffee? Maybe. You know. But salt? It doesn’t qualify for the prestigious category of “food”. Yes of course everything we eat has some amount of salt in it, but how many times have you heard anyone say – “well, I’m stuffed with all those plates of salt I had for lunch today” Bah! Never! I’ve never heard anyone say that, well at least till today. You can’t sit there and eat plates full of salt every morning, for breakfast, or night and call it your dinner. You’d probably die with too much salt in your brain and all that electricity it causes due to electrolysis or something. Or as Joe says – “…maybe you’ll pee solid and die with all that pain.” So that’s a clear fact then, that salt isn’t food. I’ll put it under chemicals. Yea. Let’s settle it there. Salt – not food, right?
diamonds in my eyes! August 23, 2007
WOW! i just can’t seem to get past that word! wow! ahem. well, almost two weeks in paradise now, and still the surprises and gifts keep pouring in from all directions. let’s see. lemme jus check my list again..
job – check
get a cute chineese girl’s number – check
pay all debts – check
have great food – check
get in bed with a red head – hmmm…
well, looks like my dream’s coming true. all this while. but the worst part is, the more closer you get to fulfilling your dreams, your dreams keep getting bigger and bigger. it’s like that atomic subdivision or something, where things get done only to half of what remains.. or some crap like that. and that would mean things would never get done completely. right? god… wow! there i go again!
lost in a map August 17, 2007
he’s right above me, all day long. with all the power vested in him, he tries to burn my skin and set my hair on flames. he loathes me for some reason i guess. he loves to torture me with that supreme divine power of his. ugh! i pray. i pray hard, for this fire fury to die. i dream of water plunges and dim lit corners. shady trees and flowery bushes. and then it happens. the fire is washed away. the water goddess shows herself, with her sticky wetness, and muddy puddles, the chilly nights and some juicy fungus. did she kill the fire? hell no, she hasn’t. he’s right behind those black cotton mountains, waiting for that opportune moment to let go that stored up mass of energy and dessicate one and all.
after a while you get sick of these gods and goddesses and their petty stories of conquest. and you tend not to care about what effects they have on your physical existence. i guess am reaching that state now. in a week or two perhaps. and then they’ll all seem the same. on either halves of the globe. they will look alike and stink just as bad. i await. my body tolerates. and tolerates. the mess is unsettling. but.. whatever!
and then you have those micro-prints. with the most important things mentioned in micro-prints, life just keeps getting better AAAAND better! ooh yeah! kick me right up my ass. and enjoy watching me falling face down on a poison ivy bush. fuck ya! ok. back to microprints. in short – it’s probably a tricky way to keep you in vain, until you figure out things on your own and no longer depend on those squares, rectangles and other odd-shaped geometric figures drawn in the most complicated way on an A4 sized paper. to make things a bit easier, they add numbers and alphabet sequences…and ironically, end up complicating things by ten folds. and then, everything goes up in the air, and sweet randomness takes its ugly birth. now it begins to look like a shredded dictionary with all of its pieces stuck up to the wall, and as if someone took a picture of this artwork with a 5$ poloroid camera and photo-copied that with the cheapest printer in some part of southern tribal kolapur, and then gave them away as charity to poor people so that they can help themselves around.
well, that’s easy…right?
hibernation and change of world August 6, 2007
o well, it looks like i havent blogged here for quite some time. guess all my readers are frustrated with nothing to read. but now that the ground has settled, things will be back to normal.. or rather pseudo-normal. enjoy this free crap like you’ve always enjoyed taking it in the past. peace will now own the planet. and rains will wash away sewers and drains. breath in deep and smell the freshness of utter dogshit. hmmmhmmm… ain’t it?
a new pot. a design.and some turtle poop. May 27, 2007
behold addicted readers of utterdotshit. this lovely site is about to get a million times more lovelier. hang on for a couple of days and then. bedazzled by the bright beauty. utterdogshit is about to get its first face lift. peace.
how many numbers make a brain? May 25, 2007
take a piece of paper. or a book instead. get a pen. or a pencil. write down numbers. not jut any. but those. that a signify something. to you. something special. something horrible. anything. birth day. year. girlfriends phone number. date. predicted death (ps: get it here). living organisms within your body besides your own living cells. the total slices of bread you’ve had all your life. the number of days before you get your kidnies transplanted into a pig surgery. bank balance. the balancing act. between your son and your father. 5052. bottles of beer to pass you out. cigarettes smoked in a month. pounds aimed to lose. money loaned to the best friend. times tried to slit your wrist. people met in that graveyard visited last night, for cheap thrills of surrounding yourself with dead souls. web projects dealing with at the moment. girls you’ve wanted to see naked. raw orgies had. number of times you’ve been asked to paint that orkut profile picture for a cute someone . mosquitoes squashed between 2:00am 3:00pm. maximum moped speed attained. price you sold that junk to an idiot. size. in inches. then in millimeters. how long you can hold your breath. how long you can keep yourself from reading this. how many times you read this. and numbers written. papers used. numbers. numb. er. s. 0. 18937, 92684, 984, 4544, 0.78, 6565, 4523. get me?
simple word May 21, 2007
hmmm.. looks like we’ve been making a few waves or tides. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dog+shit
hmmmm. now that ive written a good amount of good shit here, i'm gonna get rid of the anonymity of this blog. so all you curious freaks, it's me here - Ganesh Rao - Nesh for short.
